For I am Heat

I remember with shame the weakness of my first attempt to embrace my victim. In the beginning, my pitiful gift of heat came as a rush of energy—almost a pleasure to her. The failure to cause her proper torment showed my weakness. 

On my second go, I resolved to make her miserable. Determination brought forth my strength—bit by bit, and with practice I had my victory! Pride filled me when finally my blast incinerated her. 

Since then, always somewhere in the middle of her chest I take hold. I hunker down for a while gaining strength. She feels the flame of my evil intent. I know she does, because she fidgets, pulling at her clothes. It is her feeble attempt to get some air movement between her skin and her garments. My vehemence occupies all of her—tissue, muscles, veins, cells, and best of all, her confused, unhappy mind.

I move faster and farther, invading her arms, shoulders and neck before flushing to fill her cheeks. Her ears turn red; she is engulfed, sensing nothing but the burn now. Next, I race from her upper body, pulsing down to her toes, before rising again to disrupt her brain. I bring wicked waves of heat and she knows not how to rid herself of me, her uninvited visitor, her bringer of change.

It gives me great joy to know the ride with me forces her to burn in a hell of my making. In her ear I hiss, “Nothing can stop me.” I laugh as her hair forms into ringlets. Drops fall from her face onto her white blouse. Drip. Drip.

She focuses every ounce of her resolve, longing for relief from my hot, tight grasp. Ha! She can’t get to the window for some sweet air or rip off her outer layer fast enough. She’s frantic. “Open the window for God’s sake,” she says. “Where is the damn fan?” 

I do so relish the time we have together. Her body is my vessel; I am her furnace. It’s my purpose, my job to make her blister with my blaze.

But it is enough for now. I am bored with her, though satisfied with how pathetic she looks flapping her fan, pulling at her clothes, soaking up hot sweat with a handkerchief. Her fever lessens as I release my grip, but I can’t resist jeering. I vow to occupy her again. Soon. How I cherish knowing she dreads my return. 

For weeks, months, possibly years, she will suffer with anticipation of my inferno. After all she’s been through it’s a dirty trick, I know. 

And that’s why I make my flame so fucking hot. 

to dream again 

with a cautious distance

safer, but vulnerable still

using bits of hindsight 

leave behind turmoil

gut wrenching disillusion

criss-crossing conversation

severe smudges of outrage

remove emotional stress

leverage a stronghold on joy

brave acceptance of reality

no more peril in waking

I want to catch a note of happiness

a glimmer of felicity

try some internal reflection

with a goal of brighter vision

I want to un-remember

If you didn’t show up at Los Cerritos at 6:45AM this morning, or if you don’t live here, you missed the show. The Incredible Cloud Show. But not to worry. I’ve got you covered.

It just got better and better.

The sun started coming up over the mountains in the east. Look what happened then.

I can’t get over how much fun this cloud show was.

I hope you enjoyed the cloud show. I know I sure did. We went swimming after I finally put my camera down. The water is about 84 degrees F. My life is rich with delights here in Baja California Sur.

Ever wonder where donations to the Pescadero Food Bank would go? There are so many local families here in Baja California Sur who are doing the best they can, but need some help. Many of these people are pickers in the farm fields here, others are infirm and dependent upon adult children or other family, as they cannot care for themselves.

While their needs are greater than food, as many have no permanent shelter or transportation, the Pescadero Food Bank volunteers, and those who donate money, are providing these deserving families with bags of staples once a month. 

Here is a sampling of families we are giving to. These are descriptions without names, so as to maintain their privacy.

Family #1 

A 31 year old woman is a field worker, but this job is seasonal. Her children are ages 6-16, and they have no permanent shelter; rather their home is a series of tarps. The father visits occasionally, but provides no support.

Family #2

This is a multi-generational family consisting of a mother and father in their 50s, two adult daughters and their 7 children, ages 2-12. Their home is a cement structure with a dirt floor, with no doors or windows. The adults have seasonal work in the fields.

Family #3

A blind, bedridden woman in her 70s has an adult son who lives in a structure behind hers, but he is unemployed.

Ranch Families

These multi-generational families can raise animals and grow some food, but often have no transportation to come to town, and they lack the staples that the food bank can provide. 

The photos I’ve included are of homes in El Pescadero, BCS where the food bank donations have gone.

What these families receive from the Pescadero Food Bank, given once a month, can provide some help. 

Each offering we provide costs $526 pesos or $26.30 USD (depending on exchange rate)

Items include:

maseca (corn flour)—2 kilos

harina (white flour)—2 kilos

milk—4 cartons

eggs—flat of 30

rice—2 kilos

pinto beans—2 kilos

lentils—1 kilo

garbanzo beans—1 kilo

oatmeal—1 kilo

cooking oil—1 kilo

soap (sometimes a bar, other times small bag for laundry)

In addition, beginning in 2020, Suenos Tropical has donated vegetables in season (whatever was leftover or “seconds”).

In the past, we have also used Pescadero Food Bank money to buy and distribute

formula

diapers

adult diapers

glasses

insulin

There are many of us who live here in Pescadero that have plenty. These people we help are the have-nots. Please consider donating to the Pescadero Food Bank. Any amount will help us to continue to help those in need. Big thanks. Big love.https://www.pescaderofoodbank.org

 
 
Time out, time in, time out.
 
Have fun, give hugs, get love.
 
Take a shower and get clean.
 
Um, six words can’t encapsulate me.  

I only live for the moment.

He said, she said, who cares?

Too little and far too late.

And eventually we all will die.

The mailman brings me bills. Damn.

I had three sons. No daughter.

Wherever he goes, black clouds follow.

It’s the summer of my life.

It’s hard now, but easy later.

Where should we go? To Mars?

Let them eat cake. Me too.

I found happiness in my heart.

Who put sand dollars on the beach?

When will I ever learn? Tomorrow?

“Life’s a bitch, get over it.”

“I’m not very good at this.”

“I don’t know, do you know?”

I dance like I am invisible.

Time’s change, People change, That’s life.

Be bold, work hard, stand tall.

 

Watercolor by Susan

Let’s be like sunflowers

Easygoing—relaxed—laid back—tolerant 

Let’s claim our place in the sun

Curious—probing—inquisitive–free

Let’s remember the sunflower people in our lives

Collaboration—partnership—team work—alliance 

Let’s be like sunflowers and turn our faces to the sun

10things i hate

1. being short
2. Republicans in the house and senate
3. bitter oranges
4. racism
5. dirty sheets
6. all the construction going on here
7. gossip
8. white houses
9. wind in the shower
10. drunks

10 things I love

1. the smell of things from the clothesline, especially my sheets
2. nature
3. sweets
4. hearing from my sons
5. my dog
6. artistic activities–writing, painting, playing piano, playing ukulele
7. sunrises & sunsets
8. hiking
9. living at the beach with my sweet husband
10. camping (can’t wait to get our VW van)

Instead of rising

Instead of setting 

The sun just falls from the sky

Everything is topsy turvy

Everything is upside down

The sun just falls from the sky

Not rising behind the mountains

Not setting into the sea

Our big golden ball falls from the sky

The message is clear

El Sol’s had enough

Giving up he sinks from the sky

Next it’s La Luna

She’s had enough too

She’s falling gently from the sky

The Universe spoiled

In your lifetime and mine

We’ll wake to consequences

We’ve been cautioned

We’ve been counseled

We don’t pay heed

Without our engagement 

El Sol and La Luna give way

And fall from the sky

According to the New York Times:

At first, the moon entered Earth’s outer shadow, creating subtle changes in the way its surface appeared. After a few hours, it traveled deeper into the shadow and began to appear reddish. That process began around 2:45 a.m. Pacific time.

At 4:11 a.m., the moon fell completely within Earth’s inner shadow, making its full face a deeper shade of red. This total eclipse was relatively short, lasting about 14 minutes and ending by 4:25 a.m. Pacific time. Some total lunar eclipses go for nearly an hour.

The process then reversed itself as the moon passed out of the Earth’s shadow, gradually returning to its normal self until sunrise, at which point, on the U.S. West Coast, it sank below the horizon.

I started taking photos around 4:45 AM in El Pescadero, BCS (mountain time). It was amazing looking through our big binoculars too. What a show!

I took all these photos from my 2nd floor bedroom deck. Got up at 4:30AM and after this last shot I put on my jacket and took my dog for a walk on the beach. I thought I’d get some more shots, but by the time I got outside it was completely overcast and I couldn’t see anything.

Grateful that I got to witness this before the marine layer shrouded the show.

Early this morning our friend Bill took us to look for wild oregano in the hills close to where we live. There are lots of good hikes to do in this area.

There are many remnants of buildings from when there was gold mining activity.

The sky was an incredible blue this morning and juxtaposed to the grey of the flora, it was magical.

Our pup, Isabela enjoyed her time and all the new smells.

This appears to be a kiln they used. Perhaps for making bricks?

Here’s where they dug for gold and a deep shaft too.

We didn’t find any oregano, but Bill had a plant at his house that he got from this area some time ago and gave it to us. What a guy!

I don’t believe there is any herb that can beat the Mexican oregano. We’ll go back after the rains and see if we have better luck. But in the end, we got what we were after anyway, thanks to Bill.

I don’t know if you read my latest blog about growing old(er) or not, but I decided a few things.

I’m choosing five things–

1. White teeth
2. Give back in the community
3. Don’t take things personally (from the 4 agreements)
4. Smile more
5. Take time for myself

1. Had my teeth cleaned and whitened. In the process we discovered I needed a new crown. Love my new mouth full of white teeth (and royalty suits me).
2. Once a month my husband and I help pack the 300 bags of food for people in our little pueblo. The Pescadero food bank rocks. Ann, Greg, and Debbie are the organizers. It is so cool how many people in our neighborhood go there and work together to pack the bags. We are getting all the food locally. It’s awesome to help serve the people of El Pescadero, BCS. https://www.pescaderofoodbank.org Donations appreciated.
3. This is a hard one. I’m working on it. I have to remind myself that it isn’t all about me. I don’t need to take what people say or do as a personal affront.

4. With clean, white teeth I smile a lot more. Happiness prevails.

5. Taking time for myself makes everyone around me (think husband) happier, because if all is right with me, I’m easier to be around. So, I bake, garden, cook new things (gnocchi, fermented cucumbers (that I grew from seed and now are pickles) , paint, read, write (entered a short story and a flash story in two contests), play the piano (I played as a young person and am taking it up again, though I suck at it)…you get the drift.

What are your five things?

It’s funny how when you’re a kid you always want to be older. When you finally get to that first milestone of 16 and get your driver’s license, you think you’ve really made it.

I’ve surpassed all the milestones I thought I wanted when I was a kid. Now I realize that youth lasts a very short time in one’s life, if all goes in the normal way at least. I’m looking back a lot farther than I am forward now. It’s an odd state of mind, but it doesn’t bother me.

I’m lucky. In October I’ll be 75. We had a big dinner party at my favorite restaurant in Todos Santos when I turned 70. But I don’t feel like any more parties. Not that I’m depressed about having birthdays. It’s just that I don’t care to make any more fuss about them. Greg can take me out to dinner and I’ll make myself a cake. No problem.

As everyone knows, our American culture is obsessed with youth. If you have white hair, lined skin, scars, and extra pounds, you think you have to be dyed, pulled taut, hidden, and the weight must be lost. (These days what I lose are my glasses and my keys.)

Our judgments based upon perfection and imperfection have consequences that affect the quality of life. Our perfection standards are limiting, restrictive, and unhealthy. That’s what I read in a article about aging. I agree 100%.

One thing that wasn’t discussed in the article was how one’s bull shit meter goes off the scale with advanced age. That’s my observation. That’s my experience. I’m intolerant of BS. Period. It exasperates me, and I’ll bark my dissatisfaction whether poeple like it or not. If somebody is unhappy about it, that’s fine by me.

And if I don’t want to go where I’m invited, I just say, “Thank you for the invitation, but no.” I never would have done that in my youth. I think it is this knowing myself and guarding myself that I love about my age.

One thing that I’m going to fix though is the color of my teeth. I’m being vain for sure, but I see my teeth in the mirror and I don’t like them. My wrinkles are my wrinkles. My white hair is my white hair, but I’m done with yellowing teeth. I’ll keep the extra pounds at bay with exercise and small portions, so my weight is fine. I won’t give up butter, coffee, or desert. Life is too short now. I used to think that was a weird philosophy. Life seemed loooooong to me. Not anymore. I get it. Life is too short to worry about the things over which you have no control. It’s as simple as that.

It’s fun to walk on the beach with my husband and my dog, and hear the waves, and put my feet in the water every morning. I am fortunate to have a studio where I can paint, play the piano, write, or sing and dance if I want. I’ve got a garden now and that keeps me happy. I’m trying new recipes with the bounty and I’m learning how to make my own dill pickles with the dill and cucumbers I grow.

Tomorrow a friend is going to show us where we can pick wild Mexican oregano not too far from where we live. Mexican oregano is my favorite. Never have I enjoyed an herb so much. It’s good in everything. And it’s not anything like you get in the jar at the grocery store in the US. Trust me.

So, if you’re stressing about getting older, I highly recommend that you stop it. Go with the flow. Mellow out. Be grateful and let that be enough. Take up a new hobby. Go on an adventure. You don’t have to like the aches and pains in your joints. But there are things you can do to lessen that pain…meditate, exercise, take turmeric, drink lots of water, and smile. With those pearly white teeth. That’s what I’m going to do.