This piece is a vignette. It’s fiction and takes place when phones were connected to the wall and had rotary dials. If you remember those old days, you remember my old days! You only “hear” one voice. Here’s hoping you enjoy a moment back in time.
Phone Call from Long Ago
Hi Carol.
What? Well, don’t ask me. I don’t know much of anything, unless you count the 20 words that I spelled correctly once in the fourth grade in Mrs. Myers’s class. Did you have her?
No? Well, she was a piece of work, I’ll tell ya. I think she was a vegetarian before there even were any vegetarians. Poor Mrs. Myers probably never had a steak smothered in steak sauce.
What was it you wanted to know?
Are you for real? What came first?
That’s what you want to know, weirdo? Is it so important that you interrupt my perfectly wonderful Saturday afternoon, asking what came first, the chicken or the egg?
Yeah, I know you’re funny.
I don’t think true vegetarians eat eggs, so Mrs. Myers probably never had an egg in her life either.
It’s a shame. I agree. Deviled eggs, egg salad, poached eggs, scrambled with cheese—all so divine.
Quit asking me that. I’m fairly certain nobody knows the answer. You’re weird. Who cares? For your information, that’s actually what they call a rhetorical question. It’s only supposed to make you think. That’s what I think.
Mrs. Myers told us she wanted all of us to think. She didn’t tell us what to think either. I started thinking my dad is a creep (and it turns out I’m right). I’m actually pretty sure she wasn’t suggesting I should be thinking about my dad being a creep. But he is one. He picks the zits on his back at the breakfast table.
Yes, I’m serious. You’re right. He’s gross and disgusting. Like I said, he’s a creep.
Your dad is a creep too? I suppose we both have creeps for dads. We have a lot in common, ya know? Some dads are really cool though. Stephanie’s dad is really cool. She told me that in homeroom one day last week. He’s having a swimming pool built for her. That’s so cool.
My dad would never let us get a swimming pool. He says it’s too much trouble and then he told me I’m not worth the trouble.
That’s what he said. I’m dyin’ if I’m lyin’. And listen to this: just yesterday he said he forbids me to wear lipstick to school. He thinks I’m too young to wear make-up. What a creep.
No, I don’t have any idea why he thinks a 13 year old is too young. That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask you: what is your favorite lipstick color?
Really? Dramatic Red? Oh yeah, now that I think of it, you do look super good in red lipstick. I could never wear red lipstick. I absolutely love Dreamy Pink. It makes me look so pretty. It makes me look innocent too. I am innocent (until proven guilty).
That was a joke, stupid. You’re supposed to laugh.
Oh shoot! Sorry, but I have to get off the phone now because my dad (the creep) needs to call one of his stupid clients. He says I have to hang up now so he can use the phone. God, I wish we could have two phones like Stephanie’s family does.
He’s yelling at me again. Can you hear him?
Yeah, see what I mean? Shoot. I gotta go, okay?
Okay. I’ll call you later.
