All my life I’ve heard rumors, rumors, rumors!
In 6th grade: I hear that Carol has already started her period (lucky). Mikal is really a boy, not a girl; Patsy has seen her naked (really?). French kissing is when you twirl your tongue around your kissing partner’s tongue (ick)
In 7th grade: I hear that Vicki & Ginny have practiced French kissing with each other (gross). Barbara’s nickname is BJ because she gives blow jobs to the boys (what is a blow job?). Our gym teacher is a lesbo (Huh? What’s that?)
In 8th grade: I hear that Joni wears a padded bra (I have convinced my friends to sneeze ACHOO! when she’s around and exclaim, “Oh, sorry, I’m allergic to foam rubber…ACHOO!” This gets me in trouble with the girls’ dean and Mother. She writes her lecture to me in a letter. “How COULD you? I didn’t bring you up to start a hate campaign!” She’s right, of course, and I feel awful. ACHOO!)
In 9th grade: I hear that being accepted into the Serenes is better than being accepted into the Gad-A-Debs. (But these are the social groups in high school, and I’m in 9th which is still in junior high. They actually have names for their cliques in high school? Oh God, I’m so nervous about going to high school). The boys have a club too. The Toppers are the only really cool guys. They are all exceptionally cute. (How many are in this club? Will they like me?)
In 10th grade: I hear that you should join as many activity clubs as you can—it will mean you are very, very cool. (I wanna be cool. I’m joining!) In order to be popular, you must be cool first. (I want so much to be cool and popular.) Girls who have a lot of outfits, get their hair done in a salon are pretty and thin are the only ones who get dates (I’m sunk!) If a Topper asks you out, you are automatically popular (I have a boyfriend who is a Topper!!! I’m popular!!)
In 11th grade: I hear that Mr. Franks puts cute girls in the front row so he can look up their skirts (I’m glad I don’t have that lecher for a teacher). Robbie referred to me as “a pink elephant” yesterday. (That’s what Jan told me today. I was wearing a pink dress, but I’m not fat!!! I hate Robbie.)
In 12th grade: I hear that Mr. Stolls has a crush on one of his students (who is she? Vicki asks me to drive her to the mall to meet Mr. Stolls. I refuse…Oh my God, they really are seeing each other? This is so gross.) Being on the drill team means you are a dork (That’s for sure!) Being a cheerleader means you are the coolest (Just in case that’s more than just talk, I’m glad I’m the head cheerleader). Not having a boyfriend who has a bitchin car means you aren’t worth the space you take up on the earth (can this possibly be true? How can having a bitchin car make you better than someone else? In any case I’m sure glad my boyfriend has a bitchin ’53 Chevy). Get your picture in the annual (yearbook) as many times as possible because it validates your worth (I actually counted how many times I was in the annual. I was even counting the one where you could only see my arm on Bobby’s shoulder at the ASB Ball, and I’m in there 35 times.) Girls have to be a size 6, have perfect skin, big boobs, be pretty, and marry someone who has money (Otherwise forget it? This must be why I am full of angst.)
In young adulthood: I hear that Richard Nixon is a God, Richard Nixon is a crook, Abby Hoffman is in danger of being shot by the FBI, JFK had an affair with Marilyn Monroe, The Kennedys had Marilyn Monroe killed (or was it the FBI?). The CIA contracted to have JFK killed. The CIA contracted to have MLK, Jr. killed. There are beings from other galaxies (Sometimes I think I’m one of them.)
It doesn’t matter how old we are; rumors feed us. Yum yum.Why else would there be rags like the National Enquirer, US, People, Star, or TV shows like Fox News, Evening Tonight, or talk radio, Rush Limbaugh, et. al., not to mention all the celebrity gossip, etc.? What is Justin Bieber up to now?
Love may make the world go ‘round, but rumors make our heads spin.
Rumors have the muscle to change the course of people’s lives.
Maybe it’s a good thing to learn the power of a rumor at a young age, as long as you also learn that listening to rumors may be hazardous to your well being and the well being of others.